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Teen Salon - Three


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Poem Number 280
not finished
Sometimes, to see more you have to close your eyes and think
Sometimes, to say more you have close your mouth and listen
Sometimes, to feel more you have to slow down and let it all sink in
And Sometimes, to love more, you have to accept it, show it, and want it more


Commentary:
You could be right I could be real
This might mean more if you’d only feel.
As long as we fall out where in we fell
We might escape this impersonal hell.
So just trying was never secure
An innocence maintained was never pure.
The line may bleed and blur and blend
The crack in your armor may never mend.
~Sam...there's more...its coming...
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well, I have to congratulate you on line #3...great way of wording that to fit the rhyme...I also like line # 6...just make sure you aren't sacrificing content for a rhyme...looking forward to the rest...Lana E R
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thanks Lana...no i admit sometimes its nice to rhyme but even nicer when it just does...ya know?
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yep
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when you are not yourself, is someone else you?
when closing your eyes dismisses the view.
such conclusions haven't a voice,
ever found in choosing, but in having the choice.
~done! ~Sam
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good ending...Lana E R
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hey sam...i finally made it on here. i really like this one, good choice on the ending...jess
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I have never even thought of talking in this way...
I think it is cool... I added to the main poem feel free to comment
-PETE
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I have never even thought of talking in this way...
I think it is cool... I added to the main poem feel free to comment
-PETE
-ps- Although it obvoius that your poem isnt all happy and cheerfull your use of the word hell is the easy way out. It isnt offensive or anything, but it is over used so it takes away from the mood. Maybe use the phrase, We might brake free of our confining shell or something. I don't know, It is good.
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