Ment to Be!
~Kriss
The end

~I keep trying to get you to notice me but all you do is see nothing
If you look past all the faults and lines you'll find me
cause it feels as of we're ment to be
I look at you from a distance not able to touch your softness
but I will not give up till you look beyond this exterior outside and find the passion that rupshores inside
because it feels as if we're ment to be
Look beyond the games and the confusing words I might say for with my love I do not play
I say what I feel and I mean what I say and for you I'd do anything
because it feels as if we're ment to be
~Kriss~
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~Please give me input on what you think so I can improve.
I will appreciate any comments good or bad! If you have
any suggestions that would help please let me know.
Thank you,
~Kriss~
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Your poem would be good, except what I see in it is a lost girl. Stuck in the lies, gimmicks, and games of this world. I know you may not be writing about yourself, but if you are, why do you worry so much about what someone else thinks of you? If you don't know already there is a guy who loves you so much, He died for you. You can't even comprehend all the love He has for you. His name is Jesus. In this world where everything is about what you look like, who your friends are, and how popular your boyfriend is, Jesus will look past all the lies you've gotten caught up in, and see the real you, the hurting you. Jesus saves. He loves you, and so do a lot of other people.
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True, very true, but this is a poetic forum, not a theological one. And while I agree with the sentiments above, they're not really applicable. Stuck in the lies, gimmicks, and games of this world? If you didn't notice, Kriss says specifically "if you look past all the faults and lines you'll find me."
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Now that I'm done critiquing the comentary, on to the poem! The feeling is there, Kriss, but format leaves a little to be desired. Consider breaking up a few of your lines into shorter ones. I like the repetition of your key phrase "it feels as if we're meant to be." but, coming from experience, be careful not to overuse that tactic. It's good here, don't get me wrong, but be cautious. In a longer poem, repeating a phrase every two lines would just getting irritating. Spelling, also, should be watched. Overall, I like it, just minor technical things. (I've been a copy editor for school papers, I tend to be a bear about grammar and spelling.)
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And unlike the above person, I will sign my name.
The Dragon Crystal