Briefcased and coated, I ratchet down the boulevard
Carrying my dead dog and a lifetime of guilty pleasure
I do not quite regret having set fire to the boatyard
In it within i buried my sunken and golden treasure
Lost for all time because of my ill-guided measure
I stare at my feet one last time before the court
Forget this- I'll go have some fun with a high-class escort!
..
I grab a $20 out of my briefcase and begin to beg
But the meter maid won't pay a fella none of her mind
So, I crouch down and gyrate on her plump clothed leg
She commands me to stop or she'll have me confined
But i can't because i'm much too whiskey wined
I tell her I'm lovestuck and I rip off her blue skirt
Dragging her down i push her face down in the dirt
..
And as my luck would have, out steps the judge
A fifty year sentence he says and i pull my knife
And stick it in my pants and pull out some fudge
Digging in deeper to pull out a handful of semen life
In great globby goos it comes pouring out and is rife
I spoon it and fling it at my newly found friends
And this is where this most disgusting poem ends

You are so fucked its funny.