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Salon for Rhyming Poetry - Three


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Poem Number 238
laying here to see if your dick is huge but when you pulled it out it was smaller then me shoe! i look and laugh you ask what was funny i sat up slowly and said u want me 2 suck that 4 money ! ha ha
so then i said lets make a deal i lay back and give me the thrill ! you lick me right then i do you so go and start i'll do you i cross my heart!!
ok he said im done now ! it's your turn so turn around . she said no it felt to good ! im sorry baby but this here is through
he look at here and call her a bitch ! you give me head now or i'll spilt your shit! no reason to get mad i was just playing so lay down know i'll do what i was saying
as her mouth touch his dick the phone run twice and answer sounded like a mice ! she said who is it


Commentary:
That is absoloutly rubbish. I cant say how tacky, un-coordinated and ridiculous this kind of crap is, people like you shouldnt be allowed to write poems, if that is what you call this rubbish!
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One man's "rubbish" is another man's...porn, I guess you'd call it. I'll bet this was written tounge in...um, cheek just to get a rise (pardon the pun) like the one above. My only critisism is some of the phrasing is a bit hard to swallow, uh, follow. Such as the last line "as her mouth touch his dick the phone run twice and answer sounded like a mice". I'm not sure if she sounded like a mouse or if the voice on the other end sounded like a mouse. I'm going to agree that this could have been better written but to say that people who write this kind of work shouldn't be allowed to write uncaps the ugly bottle of censorship. If it's not to your taste I'd suggest ignoring it. Nothing stops a writer quicker than being ignored. I give you credit, though. At least you commented instead of closing the piece out! je
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a mice?
Hook on Phonics.
~angry B
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well said, angry B! je
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this is crap of the shittiest kind

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I have to side with je here. I acknowledge that this is written extrememly poorly. The vague shift from first to third person perspective, the seemingly pointless grammatical errors, the lack of any kind of ending, and the 'written-on-the-bathroom-stall' style all contribute to this being a remarkably bad piece of poetry. If that is what anon was referring to as "rubbish" or "crap," then I will have to agree. Still, the subject matter - a curiosly ambivelent sexual encounter - is thoroughly appropriate for poetic exploration (just like any other subject). If anon was expressing distaste for sexual references that weren't cloaked in hyperboli or quivering with heart strings, then I have to go with je. One man's rubbish is . . . etc. I get the feeling that the person who wrote this "poem" is using English as a Second Language and/or is a child. Either way, I'm afraid they need more practice!
        Viper
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Juvenile trash by someone trying to use shock value. One man's rubbish philosophy is just as the bible says "professing themselves wise they became fools" Last time I looked filth was still filth!
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this is sick
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