Title: self-multiplication and self-granulation
My visible ribcage
is an elegant affront
to passers-by

A disappointing piece of work. Doesn't scan well, and makes little literal or metaphoric sense. Would suggest that the 'author' spend some time reading some proper poems (certainly not the content of this site) to gain some inspiration. Magee.
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So sorry to disappoint you. Actually, I don't read ANYONES's content on this site.
(with just 2 exceptions, other than my"self").
The fact that you really want 'literal' (in a poem? really?) or 'metaphorical' simply means that you wouldn't impress me either...with your tastes or your creations. I could be wrong though..after all, I've learned to like things such as monogamy. You can't be that bad.
I'm feeling expansive....i' think i'll keep hitting these keys...........
(HEADLINE: "Gluttonous Shits Disrupt Downtown Area While Escorting Worthless, Ungrateful Offspring to a Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana (easy target, i know) Rally")
Going back to my disappointing piece of "work"; well, it IS a simple fact that my visible ribcage is indeed an elegant affront to passers-by whose portly thighs somehow move their upper-bodies reluctantly across my path...and yes, I DO stop there in the street, leering at their self-inflicted parody of physical grace.
I, Symon, watch in Awe: at these massive bodies ( with lewd loads of chicken-McBacon-Bugers and diet Coke topped with chocolate porno-sprinkles oozing from their various grease traps )in AWE of these 2-ton former-humans so easily swayed, like empty grocery bags, by the most base ploys of commercial huckterism; from storefront to billboard...from news-stand to Disneyland - all blown about by the the easy, aimless breeze of boredom.
So, i suppose I've contradicted myself; my "poem" was literal.
But, I'm not asserting I've written a great poem. I see its many flaws (after all, i do these quickly/spontaneously [to see if i surprise myself])'
I've a question or 2 for you, though. You seem to be a thoughtful person; Who is your "proper" poet/inspiration?
Unrelated: Call your mother. She misses the piss out of you. ---Fox New$---
----I'm the worst of the best. I do nothing all day
due to the compound interest
i was smart enough to swindle
from my father's account. He was a REAL poet,
hence is is now dirt poor.
(Love you dad, happy fathers day)
How could you possibly
believe (or care if) this is
really Symon?,
-Symon
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Well, if I'd known you were so sensitive Symon I'd have probably licked your asshole for you and told you what a wonderful 'poet' you are! Ted Hughes, Ogden Nash, Fiona Pitt-Kethley and John Hegley are currently top of my reading list. Magee.
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Ho there, Magee!
oh, come off it, mon chapeau!
I refuse to believe you took that ludicrous headline, etc literally (or sincerely emotional).
I admit there was some truth to it...I REALLY DO Nothing all day(in a "work" kind of sense).
I really do live off of compound interest, and never lift a finger except to pour cocaine on my little steel platter, or touch my girlfriend. or both. I did'nt victimize my father to acquire my chosen mode of living, though. Yeah...he just simply kicked it.
but really, did you call your mum? We alight this world's stage for but an hour.
Show her yr appreciation while we're all still young & able to get about...hmmm, guess that makes me sensitive, after all. But cocaine does that to me.
-Symon
P.S. Thank you for your list of favorites/recommendations; I'll look into them.
I currently love Paul Eluard, Petrarch, John Donne, Arthur Rimbaud, John Keats, Oscar Wilde, J. K. Huysmans, Ezra Pound & Apollinaire.
-Symon
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not to butt in or anything, but.. allow me to butt in.
lol @ the diminutive 'mon chapeu'..
i would have thought you'd be snorting cocaine from the smooth skin of runway models by now, symon... twiddling with your greased salvador dali moustache while lounging in your silk smoking jacket until noon.. i know i do. except the compound interest i live on looks more like a cardboard box. and the cocaine is really ground up vitamin C tablets. and the smoking jacket is really large, strategically positioned pieces of tinfoil.
once again i've said too much. i'll butt out now.
amber
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amber,
I never tire of your eloquence. And I'm happy to know you're still out there.
Actually, it is I who've said too much lately. You see...The magical snuff goes up my nose, then out my fingertips, to the keyboard, then straight to this site. Then 15 minutes later, i discover I've hacked out 5 crazed paragraphs trying to explain The Mystery to people for whom mystery means nothing...o well, at least I had fun doing it. Incindentally, you are one of the 2 exceptions I was referring to above, in my 1st comment.
adieu adieu,
Symon
P.S. I like Vitamin C too, but if you ever visit L.A., let my butler know...he'll make sure you get some proper drugs and a steady course of vegetarian cuisine. His email is naughtysanta@bluebottle.com ....seriously
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I have never respected coke addicts at all. In fact, I think this should be in the rough section cause it's definately an over 18 subject. Lewd sex poems...whatever...but self destruction presented in a fashionable fashion is a really lame thing to do to children and impressionable adults like Amber. Kiss my ass symon...James
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i deeply appreciate the offer, dear symon.. alas, i am not in the habit of mooching off the wealthy, nicely hooved and shined though i envision your butler may be. and i do find that a pre-poetry shot of wheatgrass packs more of a punch for me in terms of finger-tingling creativity than the peruvian bolting powder. it awakens my whirling dervishes and inspires me to enter into the Dance.
yet again our dear and deeply misguided friend james has sadly misunderstood the tongue-in-cheek nature of this exchange, demonstrating once again that the I.Q. cupboard is bare at IPP (your present company excluded, of course) and its children have all gone hungry. illustrating yet again that when one visits the morgue of reality in the morning of discernment, it's best to ask the nurse of effortless perception to close all the windows of awakening afterward.
amber
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p.s. further substantiating that addicts, though tragic, are overwhelmingly preferable to tee-totalling poopypants dickheads.
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Let's all stop sucking each other's dicks/pussies shall we.
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gettin' righteous...For the kidz!
O my! thats too funny to pass up...
James, gullible james; do you mind if i riff on yr righteous anger?
---But before i get to the fun stuff, i must say that for YOU(?!) to call amber an "impressionable adult" (THAT coming from the biggest, softest doughboy on the IPP) means:
1.) You are not familiar with her work; which is characterized by dry, elegant wit, incisive critique, and a fierce independence of thought....or
2.) you don't actually know the definition of "impressionable"...or
3.) probably both.
After all, your reading comprehension is demonstrably retarded. Many of us here have noted how often you completely miss the point of someone's comment that you're responding to. In fact, i bet you've no clue what I've just said. ----
Right-o, back to my cheap fun at your expense...
your moral authority is about as legitimate as your ape-like sexuality is erotic....You did'nt understand that, did you? So I'll draw a picture for you:
You= booze-loving glutton who'll "Date" rape any female willing to pass out in your vicinity, (or at least express such a fucked up attitude toward women in your writing) .
WWJD (wut would Jamez dew?):
1. If the girl is under 13, don't get her drunk just to see how far she'll go. 13 year olds may look hot, but they're made of cocaine, and THAT"S IMMORAL, bros! It says so in the Chuck Norris Bible.
2. Throw a really cool oyster roast. put all your Dave Mathews in the CD changer, & invite any girl who's at least 14 yearz old. Get them all drunk ( Jamez-Tip: use the cheapest beer you can find to save some dough, bro!), make sure they pass out so you can "rape" 'em (u know they really want it, bros!) either till they wake up or vomit up those cheap oysterz.
3. Woot! You did it, bro. Now reward yourself with a cold Corona and a lil' internet porn! Oh, and don't worry if those stupid yesterday's chicks wake up crying, run out the door, and never speak to you again. They're just tryin' to ruin your Sunday....CHICKS FUCKIN'SUCK!
4. Walk around the mall or the internets. Find some children, and make sure there aren't some smug innelctuals standing there, joking about the serious threat of cocaine addiction within earshot of the innocent children. These cunts could care less how glamorous it sounds to those kids and curious adults (who have nothing better to do anyway). Specially if you see symon, say "kiss my ass" becUSE HE WILL ACTUALLY DO THIS AND IT FEELS KINDA GOOD. But then immediately citizen-arrest that pretenshiss vegetsren asshole and flush his illegal drugs down the toilet.
4?) no, wait...lost my count
Ok 5.) Cyborg-sex: Meet smart Sexy babes online! especially on poems websites like "Interactive Poetry Pages." These hotties go nuts for poet-men. Wannna score? Then write more! just use your latest sexxxual exployts from that sexy oyster roast (refer to WWJD Tip #2) as s poetic inspuration. Give it some high-falutin title like: "Perchance upon a jailbait arse, perchance?" Or maybe you're after a more edgy (i.e. kinky) "poet"...then use future sex-goals as litterairy fodder, with titles like "Wanna Travel to Ibiza and Get Laid!"
---------------WWJD has ben brought to you viagra.com in associoation with The War on Drugs, and sadly, Cocaine Cowboys. Sherlock Holmes and Sigmund Freud would like a present a counter-point, but they've died after being forced, by the unfashionable decree of the Burger King, to kiss james' ass.
Cirnered by the press in the aftermath, James offered these words of comfort for those of us swallowed in darkness, "fashionable fashion is a really lame thing to do to children."
Wise words from a sexual man. Wisdom unsullied by the Blakean glamour of cocaine.
But what what does this complicated anti-cocaine civil rights giant have in store for us as we seek a brighter, child-friendly tomorrow? "Lewd sex poems...whatever..."
-Symon
(reporting from the glamorous frontlines of oganically ptocessed cocaine donated by Symon to
Interscope Records,
children, and
impressionable adults)
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Amber, I'm not thinking about IQ cupboards or even how funny it was...I laughed. Shamefully. But then I realised that this is pretty scarleted content for a child to see. After watching on a documentary the problem of oxy conten (you're the pharmacist...you know how it's spelt) I thought this humor to be absolutely trash. Vitamin C...is that an impotency cure?
Between symon and the pharmacist and the prescription pad auto writers american doctors must be.....you could very well doom at least 1 child who has the misfortune to read such thoughtless crap. I really hate to be a censor or something you know. Just take it to the +18 salon. And Symon, I realise that we all make spelling errors from time to time, but get a grip man! James
PS:I can't believe that I am the one having to say this...
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O and one more thing I guess I should say to balance this tradgedy in the making out. I had a poet room mate who was a coke junkie. Yep, I used to watch him and his hooker gf shoot up. It was always a real treat watching her cry as she dug into her arm with a needle trying to find a vein. Seriously romantic, Symon. Especially with the dirty needles on the floor.
To think of all the legions of misguided addicts slowly mutilating themselves and writing poetry about how painful and fucked up it all is. I guess this parody of pain must have hit a nerve. James
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Through an unprecidented series of coincidences, I have just been ordained the Pickle Queen Pope of Bivalve, NJ!
Chaka Khan!
...3mj
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if only i were a pharmacist, poor insufficient james, for i could then self-administer something to alleviate my annoyance at your stupidity, but given that you suck at reading comprehension (i have already mentioned my profession many times previously, and it isn't pharmacy, as you seem to believe) as well as lack general intelligence i suppose i can't be too hard on you-- life must already pose quite the challenge. given that brilliant symon has experimentally demonstrated the Maillard reaction on your roast beef hide, carmelizing you with his wit to a potent crisp, now all that's left is for us to joyfully dig in to the troll feast he's tenderly prepared. mmm! well-flamed, symon, well-flamed.
i can't recall the last time someone was so thoroughly lambasted and tanned here at IPP, but today will be a day to remember.
does this mark the beginning of troll hunting season? i think it might.
amber
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Are you suggesting that amber is a 'troll'? I would wholeheartedly agree if you were. Ming.
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O yes...its all about the psychology. Hmmm....well, I guess that makes it worse in thoughtful perspective Amber. Yep, just to make it easy for you...
I love the way that drug addiction is cool in this piece. It makes me envision nausiatic delights such as a girl digging up the veins in her arm with a needle she picked off the floor in an act of...what shall we call it? Self con-trolling? Lol.ew ew ew What a happy ending!! la dee freakin da. People of IPP, forgive me for suggesting that this should be hidden away from children's eyes in a place that is for people over 18. What is wrong with that?
I didn't mean to insult your poetic prowess there symon, and I certainly didn't mean to come across that I think I am better than a junkie's habit. Well, actually I did.
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Now I suppose IPP is poisoned (once again) with this time social and moral conflict. Well, forgive me once again for being a poem closer, but I don't think that this piece is gonna do this site any good anyways. James
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LOL-- you just don't want anyone to see your public humiliation at the hands of symon!
amber
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I am amazed James is still posting after that roast. You'd think it would have taught him some manners and he'd roll back into his cave, licking his wounds. Miff
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Odd how James routinely targets other poets rather than writing anything himself. Troll behaviour for certain.
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I don't mind, what he said doesn't really bother me. I know I am better than he is so I think I can afford it. I will drink a toast to you symon, after I buy my beachfront property across the way from Italy this november and I will toast you once again after I nail my first beach bunny next summer. It just makes me smile.
Plus, it's the internet...it just doesn't have the same effect on me. I am not a chicken like amber, who always tucks her tail between her legs. The added bonus to myself is that I really don't care what you people think....thank jesus and the lord. You're just a bunch of americans. At least with Georgie's insane wars all over the world has some sort of population control, as does the second amendment. In this light, I have decided to be pro war for america, and pro cocaine cartel. My first toast is to the needle, jesus, and war freaks of america. Have a nice day. James
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regarding the spelling... I can't believe i have to do this but, HERE:
"This issue of WWJD is funny because it is written in the real or imagined writing style of its subject. If you do not find it funny, it is probably because you are an ignorant cultural philistine who does not recognize this without explanation."
-Symon (uncyclopedia.com)
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James, You CAN afford it, being the amazing fucking goldmine (of comedy ) that you are.
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Hey Bros and Hos,

Thank jesus and the lord that symon, amber, and goerge bush are reducing the population in Iraq. I will drink toasts to them after I bang some passed out beach-butt. But NOT a second before! When those chicken war mongers see me toasting them (be checking for the pictures on myspace, assholes!) from my beachouse across the street from europe, they'll know whos the big dog. Then my 1st toast will be to jesus (thank jesus and the lord), the NEEDLE!, and American (sex-freak) warriors who are the only ones reducing the brown people population in any real numbers. I know its not PC or whateva to say that kinda thing, but it's the internet, and the bonus to myself is that I really don't care what you people think....thank jesus and the lord.

Jamez
"Jamez-tip #32: If she's not awake, don't use a condom."

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but let's not forget my history of blistering you badly, with my cat-o-nine-tails which is too often in use to be tucked between my legs..

so according to this toad james.. date rape is ok for the kids to see, but talk of cocaine, oh no, we can't have that..
his priorities are so fucked and his rants are so incoherent i'd swear he's crawled out of a trailer park in idaho. he might want to check to see that he doesn't have hillbilly u.s. citizenship after all... or at least consult his countrymen, good and proper canadians, prior to speaking so that he doesn't shame the entire nation.

amber
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ha!
Hello amber,
Well, he's proving to be a little too easy to fry now, is he not?
He's practically doing all the work for us at this point, simply by expressing himself.
so I suppose we can move on, and test the next sociopath in line...But, I STILL wonder if he knows if this is a poetry website. A real mystery...

Yr Hmbl Srvnt,
Symon
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Oh 3mj, i just noticed you there...its nice to see you're still in our midst. I've always liked the way you manipulate language to novel effect. It'd be nice to see more of that here again.
-Symon
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You both are addicts aren't you? I can tell by the way you are so vehement about it. I do view addicts as one of the lowest forms of life. Blow is guaranteed to screw your lives up, and as a consequence...even if you are rich and suave now...in 3 years you won't be. You think you have everything under control...but thats the first thing out of every addicts mouth who is in denial. It's the lock on the door. So rail away, and while I sit on the beach with good friends and lovers...and you sit in a world of denial and misery...I'm gonna laugh at you. I suppose it's in poor taste to laugh at the unfortunate...but you make it easy, fool on the hill.
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What are you on about, man? He's just saying hi to 3mj.
Are you autistic or something?
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lol.. james, by being an ignorant cunt.. you make this entirely too easy. there should be laws against roasting such juicy and tender meat.. it is troll season, officially, and i've got a dickhead tag for this year. i look forward to mounting your head on my wall.

amber
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James,
If you can tolerate a well meaning suggestion from an arrogant American I would suggest you step back and take stock in the mischief you have caused. It is obvious the queen matriarch of this hyena pack has chosen her a new mate in submissive Symon [sorry wc, you are out]. As you know the queen hyena must constantly go to war to assert its dominant position within the colony and despite its fanatical gnashing of fangs and unpredictable letting of blood it is not rabid. You see, that is the nature of the feral beast to ascertain and maintain its perceived lordly status within the group. In the case of the hyena family however, they have long been studied for their unusual anatomy and behavior. My advice is to not approach the colony unless you have a prelaid plan and only if you can distract the queen with a sun cured zebu carcass as that is the most attractive spoil and you can move around freely while she is gorging herself. Be advised that cold cuts and surloins from Winn Dixie will not do. But never, ever let the Queen accept you as an addition to the pack or she'll attempt to gnaw off your genitalia or otherwise eviscerate you on the chance the you are female. But enough of my talk, you are now advised and my mind is easy. However, should you get nipped or cruelly gnashed I'd advise a series of shots, cause you never know...
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oh for god's sake.. if you read properly you'd know that it was symon who first put james in his place here, not me, and if you've been following any of the history of this BS with james you'd know that HE targets and haragues ME, not the other way around. the fact you haven't signed tells me as much as i need to know. it reads like *st* but may be any number of jerks who enjoy targeting me for various reasons.

it seems that to be an outspoken writer on this site with a feminine name for a handle is to tread in dangerous waters. i'm sick of it. take your misery elsewhere; this is a place for writers.

amber
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Fascinating how people are threatened by displays of power or dominance from women.
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on the other shoe I find it tragic how some women think displays of power or dominance is the only way they can get respect.
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Ok, so most of the drama still being perpetuated from this situation stems solely from the fact that amber is female.
Well, mr.misogyny, I suggest you pay attention to what I'm about to say. Not many people will take the time to provide you with this valuable learning moment(& I'm being generous in assuming you're teachable)...Ok, yr attempt at humour revealed a little bit more about your fear of women than you intended, as so often happens with crackpots on the offensive. Really, it sounds like you need years of therapy. So, I'm going lay it all out for you, & get the ball rolling;
1. You are a transparent loser. That means when you wish to belittle someone else, you unintentionally reveal your own feelings of inadequacy and long-suppressed rage, likely stemming from rejection. Everyone but james can pick up on this, and it's far worse than you think.

2. Speaking strictly of your writing: The Zoological Terminology thing might have struck you as being witty, but the actual execution failed on many counts: it started off with the mock-serious tone of a researcher, which is a good first-step, then due to lack of parody-skill, lost focus, and sort of devolved into something a cruel 13 year-old might come up with to amuse his delinquent friend. Actually, forget all that...that it was sympathetic to james is enough to discount it completely.

3. Implicating a sexual dynamic into my interactions with amber, when there is demonstrably nothing sexual in our conversations, means you are sexually obsessed, or at the very least, have a retarded social IQ. Ha! I can see you at a party (pure fantasy, you did'nt get invited. surprise.) looking at men and women talking/socializing, then you ooze up to 2 unlucky people in the middle of a conversation, a make bitter "jokes" about how the power-hungry woman just wants to bite the man's cock off to make him her mate...etc. Then I see you getting forcibly removed from the property, possibly into a public health van.

-Symon
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Of course you are right Symon and I reproach myself for any prolonged mental anguish I might have inflicted with my careless submission. Mine was an angry response sprang out of sheer annoyance over the gross amount of juvenile bickering between you three that is overtaking this salon. I would make the suggestion that you take your disputes outside to the closed poems so as not to include the rest of us, but it would be of no use as it would get a similar reaction as I am getting now. I am well aware how annoying James comments can be but I have found it easy to dismiss them, just as I can allow your poorly aimed retaliatory slurs to glide off my back. At times you Symon are a serious writer I'll concede and I intended no sexual innuendo nor total disrespect in my comment, just a heirarchial juxtaposition to fit the situation. In truth these series of posts resembled just the situation I have described above: three unsightly hyenas fighting over scraps of meat; and having watched the nature channel on occasion I assigned the proper pecking order. This is an interactive site and I reacted and gave you my critique as I saw it. I make no apologies. I read above 'this is a place for writers', well goddammit [and for the record I rarely use an expletive] where ARE THEY? As for the third party amber I could care less if she is a woman, a man, or a trojan horse parked on this spot I felt she should have let you and James duke it out without jumping in and amplifying it. She is involved in 9 out of the 10 disruptions that occurs on this site and I can't help but think she thrives on discord [but that is merely how I see it]. In all respects my commentary was sympathetic to no one and I stand by it verbatum. This will be my final word on the matter as I know how to walk away. Peace.
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Symon, you are a junkie. Now everyone knows. O well.
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Well, then you seem reasonable enough to realize i've been rather lenient with james, who you mistakenly claim I've "fought" with. But, you see, writing a single james-parody, which i tried to imbue with some literary and comedic value, is not the same thing as bickering or arguing with him... Examine the above again, & you'll find i wrote virtually nothing beyond my initial james-parody, other than to tell amber we should actually not write anything more to do with james, as he is easily capable o doing himself the disservice...which he promptly did...in mighty excess.

If you're actually concerned about the decline of civility on IPP, it may ease yr mind to know I told him 2 days ago that I've no interest in satirizing him again unless he keeps closing my poems, which even so detached a person as yrself would find a tad more than 'annoying'.
But I stand by my james-satire as a solid read, and that it has just as much merit as any other work of humor on this site.
finally, I commend you for suddenly taking the high road after not getting very far on the low; but since your stated reasons for doing so (i.e., me "fighting" with james) are not supported by reality, the move was rather pointless. But where ever you stand, I hope you realize i've respected you enough to engage you through reason and logic, and so extend hope that you'll reconsider your stance that my actions here have degraded the tone of discourse on the IPP.

-Symon the Destroyer

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'Decline of civility on IPP'. Since when was this place civilised???
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Thank you.
-Symon
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LOL. this IS the best comment thread in a long time.
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"read above 'this is a place for writers', well goddammit [and for the record I rarely use an expletive] where ARE THEY?"

anon, in the past week i have authored 3 works in hcs1, all while this skirmish with james was going on. i have continued to write as inspiration strikes, and will continue to do so. symon's writing has not suffered, as i have seen new work from him as well. we have a new poster here who is also writing.

a better question -- why aren't YOU directing your energy better and writing something worthy of comment?

as for me being involved in fights on this site, have you ever stopped to consider that individuals target and troll ME simply for calling myself 'amber' and for writing/expressing an opinion, for having a strong personality? just how long exactly am i supposed to ignore or minimize this harassment from james and others? i have been particularly lenient on him in the last year (god, has it been that long). it seems now symon and others have grown sick of him and are willing to be vocal about it.

sorry if that upsets you, but if you're offended by the 'fighting' and lack of writing, look at your own actions first and put some graffitti on the wall already.

amber