i could have been, i know i could
what you call sane what you call good
another place, a different time
if i could only get inside your mind
your face it haunts what i once knew
your lies they cover what was true
i've gone insane, i know this yet
i wont forgive... i dont forget
I'll cry until

I could have been, I knew I could
what you call sane, what you call good
another place, different time
perhaps they should have been mine
now here I am, I know I'm here
with all my hopes, all my fear
you wonder if its right, is it wrong
is this what I've been trying to be all along
The grass rolls like waves in the wind
in the distance my eye sees rain
if my heart is in the wrong place
then baby there'd be no pain

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This poem is really gay and i think that whoever wrote this need to have a lesson on how to write a freaken poem!! GOD! people these days. By the way if you are going to rhyme that much use every other line because the whole poems was ruined from doing that so no offense to whoever wrote this but you need to get a life and you need to learn how to write a poem without making a fool of yourself----melissa from Miami
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Miami melissa,seems like your boat sunk before you got off. There are no fools in a freaken poem. The fool comes in when the reader can not grasp the essence. But--a poem does not suppose to change rhyme scheme from that of aabbccdd to that of efge. Let the author(s) be aware.---Cumberland yon
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I'm not sure why the song is 'Gay'. There doesn't seem to be any clues either way. I'd say that the aabbcc scheme is okay. It can make everything jaunty if the metre gets too rollocking but this is a song's lyrics - punk I imagine. abba could work and so can axxa bxxb if you want it to. It's really up to how you feel about it - although abba takes a little more work. Still, Jesus, meticulous melissa from Miami, if a poem is shit it is shit but then you can know everything about writing poems but still not be able to do it well. However, it's a learning process, which happens when people nicely point out what is wrong, not just say in a mall-rat, trustfund-brat kinda way - Yeah that's SOOOO gay; yeah like whatever.
Very helpful (NOT).
John from Jacksonville
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I think it would be wise to lighten up on the "destructive" criticism. Those who wish to critique constructively may want to check out the more analytical categories. I was under the impression this was a place one could go to express oneself; to get a feel for writing again, in my case. I think this is a forum for free expression with discretion. Let's allow everyone the creative freedom to do that. I'm personally, not on here to be good or sound good (though that is many times one of my end goals in writing). Rather,to let loose a little, the words penned up like prisoners inside me. Someone whose works I admire a great deal, once said, (please forgive me for a near but not exact quote) "just create, it doesn't really matter if you are creating for any one else, as long as you are creating for and from yourself. That's still something." We can think about "someday", doing something profitable with it-financially speaking; for now let's just produce the fruit or as it can be with writing or the arts, let the fruit produce us. Respectfully, Lin in Michigan
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