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Haiku - Two
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Poem Number 1505
on the pillow
your scent and my thoughts
mingle
Commentary:
This is a powerful poem. Can I ask a question, as I am new here? In the description it says to write in 5-7-5 syllable form. I don't see a lot of it here, am I wrong? IF not 5-7-5, what rules do you have here? Just three lines and that is the only rule? Just curious. Gidget39
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myrtle909 this is a wonderful poem.. I can close my eyes and meditate on the words for ages...thanks
~
Gidget39, here are a couple of haiku sights I found informative...they also link up to other sights
www.toyomasu.com/haiku/
www.ahapoetry.com/haiku.htm
personally I started out writing traditional 5-7-5, but found it too long.. may writers stick to that discipline, but many write free form, still three lines, but less syllables... which seems to work for English Haiku.... here we are pretty free.. moments can't always be written in 5-7-5...or 3-5-3.. so like the above poem, you tend to go with what flows, and what brings out the moment that you are trying to portray. I am sure others on this page have things to add, so you should get a smorgasbord of info to glean from........alice
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I started here as a strict adherent to 5-7-5, but seem to have switched to 3-5-3. It's pithier, and forces me to concentrate on exactly what I want to say. I also like 4-6-4 for those moments that just don't want to reduce to 10 syls. And I still prefer 5-7-5 for "romantic" poetry - it sounds lush by comparison with the short forms! Once in a great while I'll forego the syl count and division altogether, but I'm not yet up to speed.......RAS, tossing his spare change into the kitty
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Thank you Ras and alice. I think I understand now. I am still learning to write 5-7-5 so I don't think I will be scaling down to 3-5-3 very soon. Mind if I continue to write the longer versions? The shorter ones seem more difficult. Gidget39
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thanks, gidget39 and alice. still learning, also :) of course you may, g39....you go girl
m909
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hey, we're all still learning - I don't think there's any such place where one can say "OK, I've learned all there is to know about 'ku"........RAS, finding 2 more cents down among the lint
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Please bear with me. I learn fast. Gidget39
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I just came from reading some of what Dr Vu wrote on Haiku one. I didn't realize there were so many rules to haiku. I have been exposed to haiku, but thought it was just 5-7-5 syllables and a nature word. Is this forum strict like in Haiku one? I was afraid to post there. Gidget
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Yep, yer gonna hafta git out. Just git in line ahint the rest of us ;)
Ma'am if they aint took a shotgun to me yet then you must be Quite welcome.
····· robbynl
P.S. The good Dr. is a fine source for developing an awareness of proper haiku style. The shell game at www.ahapoetry.com is interesting for that purpose too. 'course everybody's got an opinion ;o) ····· robbynl
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substitute the word "guidelines" for "rules" & you'll do fine........RAS
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gidget39::When I first found this site(about 1yr and half ago) I wrote to Ann
Cantelow about this subject. She said it was for the writers to decide that
she started it for us as a learning place. I have found from all levels of
writers here that they are very encouraging. I have read two of Harold G.
Henderson's books on the masters from the early Japanese, such as Buson and Basho
and their followers, and then compared this to the writings on these Haiku
pages of Ann Cantelow's authors and for a great part I prefer what is written
here. A lot of what I read had to be understood in history or geography
before it could be understood as haiku. For ex., Alice might write from
her feelings and understandings of Australia and its creatures which are
foreign to us. I wrote this one today from my experiences of knowing a place
seen many times.
^
misty maids are seen
niagara falls into
gorge full of itself
^^
There are small ships known as the "Maid of the Mist" where people dress
in yellow rain gear and float past the rocks which have fallen yearly into
the gorge. Over the last 40 years I have seen the increase from the Niagara
River which sends rocks over the Falls of the same name. If one had never
heard of the place this haiku would be completely foreign to them. I see
photos where the rock slide is "filling the gorge" so it is "filled with itself".
The long-winded--GrandmaThing--hope this has been helpful.
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maybe it's cool to deviate a little.
Haiku was after all developed for the japanese language, which, unlike english has a syllabic alphabet.
The kanji alphapet in particular has the advantage of some incredibly expressive one and two syllable words and much more concise grammar.
considering this, a nature word, three lines and a nice rhythm seems like a decent framework to me.
Go for it.......Mr.Rheaman * 5-7-5 non-taker of his own long-winded advice*
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your pillow
scented thoughts mingle
in my mind....m4r
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scented pillow
reminders of a night
not long ago....a
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robbynl.. thanks for the poetry sight.. btw.. how often do they play the shell game??...alice
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Eritain's 50 pesos' worth: I haven't tried much free-form. I think I'm scared to allow myself that much freedom. Ku around here still tend to be three lines regardless of syllable count ... it might be nice to see how 2- and 1-liners come off. Umm ... as far as metrics go, 5-7-5 seems to me so very full. The poets here have learned to wring meaning out of every syllable, and 5-7-5 has so much information space in it ... it feels to me like desperate trying to get everything out (sort of like I'm doing now :-) instead of leaving anything to the reader. I did 3-5-3 for a while, but these days I look at it and think the middle line is disproportionately long. Maybe I'll change my mind about that later. I should try 3-4-3 sometime maybe. Harsh harsh minimalists have been known to do 2-3-2, but unless you've got one crackerjack image that strikes me as being less artful -- it's so small, it can't convey experience, only trigger thought. (Is it that happy collaboration of artist's conveyance with audience's triggerings that makes art?) Flat forms such as 5-5-5 and 3-3-3 have also produced some excellent work here. Don't think I've seen 4-4-4 yet; but I'm told 4 is unlucky in Japan, so I guess that's OK.
At any rate, what I find myself noticing more and more is the observation at ahapoetry that haiku has two parts. The middle line should unite with one of the outer lines in a phrase, and be disjoint from the other which stands alone as a fragment. I'm taking that as my next creative challenge since I seem to be quite bad at writing that way (and since it does seem to have a pleasing proportion when I read it).
All are encouraged to go over to ahapoetry and look at the shell game that robbynl WON. Nice work, robbynl, you done the family proud. --eritain the egregiously long-winded, considering that this is a haiku salon
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I just had to go over to aha and check out the shell game and see what all the fuss was about. Alright robynnl!!! We have said before that we get to know each other's writings, even before i read the final winning poem, i knew the peach one was yours... it was cool to find out i was right. I am so proud of you, and so honored to write with you! Who is next in the shell game winner's circle? alice...it sounds like you are getting ready. RAS, not quite a magazine, but...step up to the plate. Can't wait to see more winners there from IPP. Good jon robynl...~Q~
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i hope you know i meant good job, lol...~Q~
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Mmmph. as well she doesn't list the names of those as go down in flames, would hate for y'all to see my average ;o) Alice there doesn't seem to be any set period for the judging Ma'am, just when she has the time i guess. She was kind enough to send me several books of poetry including some excellent haiku. Would agree with master Eritain's inference (i think) that developing in english haiku involves discovering your own structural needs though, doesn't seem to be a Hoyle's book on the subject. 'preciate the kind words folks, Thanks ·····robbynl
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