Hurt and angry child
Takes feelings out on mother
Because she is there...~Green

My daughter(12 yrs. old)has been intolerable since her father went out of state 4 months ago...She has been spending alternate weekends with him since she was 3, but is hurt that he decided to go to school for a few months without asking her permission...~Green
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Boy, can I relate to this Green! My 14 year old's dad moved back to our state in March and has only seen her 2 times since. She is so heart-broken, he isn't even coming down for her Middle School graduation, though she has been chosen out of all the 8th grade students to make a speech. It was rough helping her pick out a Father's day card that didn't say, "You have spent so much time with me," "To a Father who is always there..." It's a tough age, Green, but you'll both get through it. :) ~~~Q~~~
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p.s. If I may add to the above, when my children were acting out after my divorce, the therapist said to me that it was a good sign that the girls felt safe enough with me that they could express their anger, even though it hurts (us), we can know that they are assured of our love for them and they feel secure enough in our love that they can express themselves fully. That's a good thing. It is because you are there, but it is also because she knows you will always be there, no matter what. That's awesome. (and very, very hard to go through), ~Q~
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Gosh, i was hoping that this made sense, Green, it was written at 3 a.m., in total exhaustion, so forgive the run-ons. I hope you are doing well. ~justQ~
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I think we'll live...my ex is coming to pick up my two kids on Sunday. My son already told his dad that he doesn't want to stay for more than 2 weeks. He's ten, I think he knows what he wants! Thanks, ~Q~...~Green
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Thank God for Sundays, for breaks from the kids, and for children who have wisdom to know what they want (and need). I hope you get some rest while they are away and they return safely, and calmer. ~Q~
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They NEVER return calmer...usually whiny and clingy is more like it!~Green

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Green, I can certainly relate to what you are saying!

home from dad's
two daughters sharing
mother's bed..............~Q~
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It must be a thing we dad's need some help on. I thought I was a good father
but my ex tells me everytime the kids see me they come back all torqued out
of shape. I can't speak for you two's ex's I don't know them but I can speak
for myself. I am not the worlds greatest father, I can admit that but I don't
run down their mother, I try to spend quality time with them when I am with them,
I don't beat them or anything, so I wonder what the problem is? I would gladly
hear what you folks would like to share in that area. Is the problem we just
don't see them enough? Please share your thoughts if you would?
opto
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opto....if your kids are "normal," they are very confused right now. They just went through the trauma of their parents' divorce. They have anger and hurt and wonder if it's alll their fault. They hate you for leaving, but they love you, too. They don't want to take sides, but feel like they have to. They might feel like it's your fault when they are with mom, and her fault when they are with you. They probably hate the fact that they have to "visit" you and you are no longer in their home. Of course they are all whacked out of shape when they go back to their mother's house. This has been rough on them, too. You need to give them time to settle into their new lifestyle. Divorce is really hard on kids, and believe me, the guilt you feel is normal, too. Just love them, be patient with them and realize that they, too, are suffering. Give them time, be very consistent in your visitation, (very), don't ever forget a birthday or a holiday, speak well of their mother, don't go overboard with extravagant gifts, treat them as you always have, love them, Mike, it will all work out. ~Q~'s humble opinion
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oh Mike, one more thing, if you don't feel you have enough time with them, and their mom is agreeable, why don't you give them midweek phone calls, send a notecard or letter in the mail, or an email to each of them letting them know that you are thinking of them. Also, you could always offer your ex that you would take them any time she needs a break or a babysitter (though they are older, aren't they? - too old for a babysitter?) There were times when my ex would take my kids for me when I had an appointment or something so I didn't need a sitter and he had extra time with them. It does you all a favor. ~justQ~
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~Q~
After reading your remarks I feel I must be ok after all. I am doing all
those things already. Thank you for the positive feed back.
opto/mike