Current poems in progress...
delay, gas lines
around the block
peggi, all night
on the clock
with a slab of
Yet wind still blows bring more with it
Daylight is somewhere else in the worldAdd to commentary
night stands watching me
dark strands of wind come to wrap themselves
in my hair and through my skin
what I used to be is wiped clear
like when you wipe sand from a mirror
when its finally found air to breathe.
I aruged with my objections till they fell out of my soul
I watched them as they tried to find places to hide
but there wasn't any
just a realization that objections are like religion
they choke life and breed fear
so I argued with them until they broke
and fell out of my soul
I can feel my bones shaking inside my skinAdd to commentary
the pressure of standing by myself feels empty
any kindness or compassion that might have been
has been washed away with the passage of years
it hits me that this must be how old people living on the streets feel
I wonder if they even see the well fed people who drive in cars
passing them by on a daily basis
I think that time must become nothing for them
they have nothing to look forward to
no hope of change because that's all been cut off long ago
I hear the big yada yada garbled words of the well meaning people
who at the end of the day go back to their nice homes
while day turns to night and then it becomes a game of cat and mouse
chasing sleep while trying to hide from cops on the prowl
looking for people who live on the streets
wanting to put them behind bars because they are too poor
too unfit because somewhere a long time ago
they lost their footing
it becomes easy to become blind to beggers in rags who push carts
filled with scavanged bits that people with money don't care about...
enough of how cruel this is
enough of the platitudes spoken by people who have no clue
enough of pretend kindness that comes with strings
enough of programs that don't do anything but eat money for a living
enough, enough, and more of enough....
anger rises up but becomes mute in the air
no one is really listening anyway
everyone showed how little they truly care
there is slime among the homeless just the same as there is slime among the rich...
the homeless who suffer because of both
well no one wants to hear one more sad tale
the latte mochas are waiting and dinner too
while day becomes night
the cat and mouse game begins again
and no one who isn't there or hasn't been there really cares
why should they their shoes arn't worn out
they have a job and house and a car
after all it's really the person who failed somewhere
who ends up on the street who is really at fault
let them change and do with out so they can prove
they are worth caring about..
don't bother me I've got things to do
while out on the street a person
who lost everything
becomes a virus
a plague to be wiped out
after all the right society is working
and paying bills
living well above their means
dying deep in debt
but it doesn't matter
just don't get around me
if you haven't showered for days
it doesn't matter if you have to pee
there is no place that it's ok for you to do that
your scum and street crap
go pee on a wall where I don't have to see you...
I hear the words floating on the air
enough, enough, enough...
I don't hold on to hope that anyone will ever care
and when finally an astroid hits
my hope is that it will be big enough to make a dent
in so many things that have gone so wrong...
for way too long
way too enough long.
when the last breath I takeAdd to commentary
has mixed with the air
no one will know
no one will care
I've been here too long
too many years it seems
things don't have an ending
when they've been going on this long.
sifted through the ash
found nothing left to learn
now I'm just angry
sad is gone too
I'm angry that the answers
are handwriting on the wall
with no explanation
no words except these
"Be prepared to loose everything"
and that's just what it did.
Everything I ever was
got ripped and torn and broken
now no one is listening
there isn't anyone anymore
I can't any more reason
why I should still stay.
So I go to sleep at night
praying morning won't come
I'm tired of waking up
just to do it all again.
To look at me
you'd never see me
I blend in with all the faces
when I'm gone
no one will know
and no one will care.
I wish I had the guts
to put a gun to my head
but I don't have a job
so I have to do something else in stead.
I've tried to figure out
what kind of cocktail I could make
so I could just go to sleep
and not wake up again.
I don't care what this sounds like
or how you judge me
I've had enough already
of being lied to
of being ignored
of being left
of having my trust broke
of being used
I've asked for help
again and again
but there's no one listening
the people who tell me that they care
they say it and then there's nothing
nothing but words
with nothing there.
So every night as I tried to find sleep
my deep heart felt prayer
is to not wake up
I'm so tired of seeing daylight.
All it does is hurt
and remind me I'm alone
just like all those people
who die in lonely rooms
with out a single friend
to bury them
they end up in a potters grave
with no head stone to keep.
So I guess I'm among them
I'm tired of this place
I'm tired of trying
and getting hurt in every way.
So when I'm gone
who ever finds this
if you care
look for the people
who no one knows are there
the ones who live in alleys
the ones who sleep on park benches
the ones who lost everything
and then got judged by everyone who passed by.
Listen to me please
those people need someone
to know that they are there
they need to know that they have worth
that there can be more than nothing
more than nothing
more than nothing....
so many out there this very night
are feeling just like me
everyone has gone
there isn't any point
that any of us can see
so we pray each night
that heart felt prayer
please let us die already
morning is depressing to see
we know that when we wake up
no one will be there
not one really ever cares.
While my socks drip
Fading conversations with ghosts of somewhere long enough agoAdd to commentary
they are just blurred outlines now.
Memories tumbled over time while I was busy living a broken life.
It hangs just like my socks over an endless day that gets dark for a while
then turns light and the pattern just keeps going on.
Behind Fractured Walls
We banter in segmentsAdd to commentary
our lives read like disjointed headlines
lost on a newspaper that lay broken on a street somewhere.
I've stopped arguing points of things you can't hear
you stopped listening a long time ago
now it's just a few mutterings on my part
drowning quietly while you tell me how wonderful you are
I've spent a life time doing time in places I didn't belong
doing things because other people said to and said so
from me to you it might as well be a thousand miles of broken glass
it's the same as with all the other thems
who weren't listening either.
I write because I have to
I write till my brain bleeds dry
I write because no one is really listening
I write because it's the only way my words won't get shoved away
in favor of what some else believes about me
it doesn't matter if it's wrong
it doesn't matter.
Words falling to the floor
you look at me with expectation
I'm suppose to abandon who I am in favor of what you want
you want to take a blender to my soul
turn into clay
the intent being to make me into your approved image
an image that you are willing to hear
an echo of regurgitated instructions
a yes to every thing
while I lay dying in some dark corner.
We banter because you wouldn't listen
no from my lips means nothing
you drag me by the face into a discussion
because you want to dissect me
find more wrong with me according to the gospel of you
I see the thrill in your eyes
when you have pushed me to the wall
leaving me no recourse but to scream at you
your love of this game is something you try to hide
but I see it there
I've always seen it there
for as long as I have known you.
The banter changes into bits of nothing
its the stuff that isn't up on some block you've built
it doesn't hurt
the scary part for me is knowing I could end up doing to someone else
what you've done to me as long as we've known each other.
"I don't want this."Add to commentary
It's escaped in the vicinity
of my mouth more times than not
aimed directly at ears that are plugged full.
Those mad plugs are made of wants
having nothing to do with wants
of those on the receiving end
whose list is longer than the horizon.
I find myself at the target end
of wants from a mouth that won't shut up
shut off or go away.
I'd tell you your ears are deaf
you'd hear some twisted thing
tell me I was hearing wrong
even though I've heard right
there are witnesses to what I heard
which is the same thing.
your ears are deaf
to everyone who isn't you.