penance

it is still the focus
still what gets between me and the world
me and the things i want to have

personality run amok
a dubious luxury
an incessant appeal to be heard

hoping to drown out the hum of heaven
who would thank that God?
a feast of abundance
forbidden to his most devout

praise sacrifice, and f*ck you almighty.
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~hugs~
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flavor my future with mistakes of the past
a bitterness that haunts me
the security of having survived
disappears when the new battle
tastes of the same fear -
thinly veiled in a new mystique

why do i engage in the same fight?
i wore it out years ago and triumphed
yet the days eat at me with
the drip of water, unremittantly, monotonously
pounding my psyche
hello my nemesis - i did not expect to see you again
again again again

are you not as weary as i with these engagements?
but no -
you indifferently hold your position
there is no dispair for you have always been
true to your nature - immutable and steadfast
the wall i come to see
after having given up the satisfaction of beating myself
against you - and failing again to win.

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good poetries
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moo, very much