doctordom

now that i've accomplished such a significant goal, it's as though a vise has been loosened on my entire being.

i simply do not give a toss anymore what anyone else thinks of me now. i've done what i set out to do and that is that. self-consciousness goes out the window. in its stead-- responsibility and acceptance.

at a dinner party last night, i forgave someone who had done something silly and petty. i hugged him and told him i loved him. yes, i was drunk at the time. but it still counted.

we all stumbled down the street to a tiki bar. i could hardly walk, let alone see. as we staggered through the quiet summery streets i felt what can really only be described as a loosening of energy or relaxation of my solar plexus chakra. (maybe it was gas. since i haven't been eating anything lately (too stressed) i doubt it.)

in the dark bar, i ordered a mai-tai which i didn't drink. i was exhausted and the room was spinning. i went outside for air and wound up happily asleep on the cool pavement. several people stopped, i looked up blurry and saw feet. call 911, someone said. 'that's not necessary, i'm a doctor,' i replied. 'where do you live'? someone else asked.

i just felt remarkably calm and happy. i was drunk, lambasted, but not at all embarrassed. lying down on the cool grass and rock felt so nice, and the sidewalk was quite clean.

my companions fortunately rushed out of the bar, just as i picked myself up, dusted myself off, smiled at the concerned crowd and immediately staggered into the wrong doorway and attempted to open a locked door.

not even this morning do i feel an ounce of self-consciousness or regret. i did what i did, do what i do, and that is that. fault me if you like. i already know i'm insane.

i baked a ton of tiny little pies for the party; cherry and peach. they are so simple to make-- pie crust, muffin tins and filling, and voila. teeny adorable dessert.

amber


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'that's not necessary, i'm a doctor,' i replied.

LOL - i love it and you, amber. this is a fabulous vignette. profound and sweet vindication.

enjoy that party. you deserve to just BE now that you have reached this juncture to the rest of your life :D

best,
-t
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thanks so much, -t. what was odd was that i awoke without a hangover at all. maybe i was so exhausted that a couple glasses of wine was enough put me over the edge.

i loved making the little pies. here's a link to the website where i got the idea from: www.notmartha.org/tomake/tinypies

i also made tiny pocket pies by folding the circles of dough over the filling and crimping the edges together. next, i am going to attempt tiny empanadas.

amber
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delicious! it's going to be a sumptuous feast.

i think sometimes after prolonged or tremendous stress that the release, however induced, completely heals, i.e. no nasty (hangover) residuals.

like firewalking....
:)
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lol - not a complete analogy, but something i've also noticed though i don't know the mechanisms of :)

got to go!! sure enjoy writing with you. keep it up when you feel like sharing :)

-t