e-bert reviews schindler's list

At first I didn't know why anybody would want to make this movie, let alone watch it.

All of the characters are very dull, very staid Arial types. It's all black and white, no technicolor, which the director probably thought accentuates the lifeless zombie-like personas of people who used to live in the 1940s.

There is no pacing to the movie, to evoke any higher emotion or sense of empathy. They didn't do any of the cool effects like in Spiderman 3, where the web is weaving through the plotholes of Peter Parker's life. I used my timer to calculate each event, and initially found that the gaffer had no real system in his lighting. Some of the characters seem to be very dull at the top, as though a cheap bulb was being shone from below.

It was only after my 19th time viewing the movie in 2 days that I realized that Spielberg had hidden subliminal messages in the background. You actually can't see it under normal conditions, but I was wearing some gamma specs to read my Transformers BioCards, and just happened to turn, and caught a picture of Hitler wearing a bikini on the screen.

This was a revelation in movie-making! I threw of my specs (and Transformers) and ran to my remote control.

If you fiddle around with the brightness and contrast during the movie, you'll find lots of exciting things happening amongst the dreary names of people. Goebbels sitting down and eating Kellogs' Frosty Flakes is one. There is also, at maximum luminosity, a picture of Aribert Heim sitting in an E.T. like pose, sadly touching the finger of a small child.

These, and the many other subliminal messages in the movie force me to change my score of what I thought was simply a typographic farce into an A+.

e-bert
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lol... clever
janet