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Salon of Poetry for Critique - Four
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Poem Number 357
stars
up in a midnight sky
look down upon you and I
on the road or safe at home
with stars we are never alone
its glorious light provides joy
not mistaken for any decoy
we'll wander on like drunks
dancing naked with the punks
found myself on a park bench
my long for light remained unquenched
i staggered and reeled and grabbed the next wench
but came to my senses as i inhaled the stench
that leaked from my armpits- i thought i would puke
Commentary:
Shining brightly from above
To let us know of our Father's love
A way to guide us through the night
Reaching afar with their glorious light
Sparkling colors of yellow and white.
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lovely
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Don't like the last line ("not mistaken for any decoy"). Like the rest of the poem. Don't like the attempted rhyme scheme either. Like the possible Christian message.
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Why yes. Christians are noted for nakid dancing :)
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