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Salon of Poetry for Critique - Four


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Poem Number 332
Unrequited Desire


Commentary:
I'm Adam
and she's my Eve but she thinks
she's God
flaunting her fruits
yet denying my desire
as if I am forbidden to eat
I crave her fresh squeezed juices
the feel of ripe nectarines dribbling between my fingers
running from my constricting hands
glistening sticky-sweet on my well-muscled arms
while in her Garden
the snake expands uncoiling
throbbing
a taunt beads as unspent venom on his mouth
forked tongue flickering temptation
penetrating stare beckoning
to bite the apple
of my unrequited lust
that I might burn in blissful death
eternal
-
If this Eve is not hungry
I may have to sacrifice
another rib.

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Trust me, twenty years from now this won't matter as much...BR
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I know this sounds like poetic whining, but that's only because it is. I just write what I feel and when I wrote this I was feeling a bit like a horny and neglected teenager. I imagine most married men (and probably a lot of single guys as well) can relate to this. Hey ladies! What's your take on this? Ever feel this way? I thought about emailing this to my wife but I imagine it would come across as too fucking pathetic. Whining is so unattractive..*s.t.*
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