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Poem Number 7544
Blue copper bowl,
vaulting cerulean dome,
inverted indigo basin;
the glory of the firmament
reflected in a blue copper bowl.
Commentary:
Might read better with only one reference to blue - omit cerulean and indigo. Also the repetition of shape and the repeat of the first line detracts from the meaning.
Try this, for example:
...
blue copper bowl,
vaulting, inverted dome;
reflecting the glory
of the firmament.
-------
Good suggestions, thanks. JFC
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