swirling against

those leafs are still gently swirling against the concrete shore,
as the endless circles of car horns, lovers, and cracked desires
find thier way into the lake,
a suffocating beauty of pollution:
`
swirling with the same poetry that has run through everything, before
eyes began brightly, then comfortably, opening.
`
long,
long before the words form
were shaped into a modern payday
of past and present.
`
that lake has always been speaking this quiet
but perfect language.
it finds its way through the leafs,
to break light through desire.
`
and that plastic bag so brutally thrown into it may be the final suffocation. but
somehow forgiven and woven,
creating new words for a new world.
`
our product in the great stupidly of animal necessity,
is short.
`
but the lake will whisper on long after the lovers have left.

-------
sorry last time i'll post this. final edit.
raul
-------
never say never. I really like this, but here are a few corrections that are needed:
leaves, not leafs

their, not thier

"to break light through desire" is incoherent to me, but I absolutely love that line

use a parenthetical around "so brutally thrown into it"

stupidity, not stupidly

comma between on and long in the last line, or simply remove on
-j.christopher
-------
those leaves are still gently swirling against the concrete shore,
as the endless circles of car horns, lovers, and cracked desires
find their way into the lake;
a suffocating beauty of pollution:
`
it has swirled with the same poetry, before eyes,
brightly, then comfortably, began to open.
and
long,
long before the words
`
that lake has always been speaking this quiet
but perfect language.
it finds its way through the leaves,
to break light through desire.
`
and that plastic bag "so brutally thrown into it"
may be the final suffocation. but
somehow forgiven and woven,
creating new words for a new world.
`
our product in the great stupidly of so called animal necessity,
is short.
`
but the lake will whisper long after the lovers have left.
`
light reflecting into beautiful silence.

-------
light reflecting into the beautiful silence
`
thanks for the comments j.christopher
`
raul
-------
no problem, and it's looking real good now.
-jcr