an imagining

i had lost track of time.
bleary and tired
she staggered
onto the balcony and
asked what i was doing

i was watching
the aircraft
take off and soar
from the twenty-first
floor of our
apartment block

come watch with me
i said to her.
in the balmy heat
of the moonless
summer night,
we lay two abreast
on the plastic deckchair

and soon a lockheed tristar
begun pining for the sky
mustering up all its energy
to leap into
the night air

and i turned to her
an arm around me
fast asleep

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The aircraft taking off from your apartment must be very small or your apartment complex very large.
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hey, it's "an imagining", thus it's not going to be precisely authentic to reality.
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I saw your apartment walking down the street and saw birds with binoculars.
Imagination or misplaced modifers?
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i don't understand the point you're trying to make. further to the above comment, it is quite feasible to see aircraft take off from an airport from an apartment if the distance from the apartment block to the airport is somewhat small.
why are we discussing this? what has this got to do with poetry? please, if you have something helpful to add, i'd like to hear it plainly.
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ok, i think i understand. suggest a better wording.
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I was watching
from the 21..
.........
as in the distance
an aircraft ...
Makes a better poem I think
my best
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as usual thorn, this poem is first class thorn! glad to see you continue to post here.
-o-
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thanks o.
as per the confusion had earlier, it seems a bit pedantic, but one can move the third line of that stanza to the end, if one wishes. i prefer the prosody of the original stanza though.
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