The Tale of Gary Dean

Gary was sound asleep,
slumped, in a hard wooden chair
at the dinner table.
`
It amazes me
how this weathered man can fall
asleep anywhere.
`
He awoke to a
watery Manhattan and
the sound of static.

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This is what i like...
asleep/slumped;
amazes/me/man;
and then to recaptitulate,sleep.
rhyme: chair/anywhere.
assonance: awoke/watery;
as well as: manhattan and,
and then the sneaky "sounds
of static".
this is true poetry.
spare, lean, and yet descriptive.
writing for readers,
and rembering the language.
Reminds a bit
of Carver, a bit of Eliot.
Not bad company.
You got it right! Now keep it going.
Do it again.
i love this...fallon
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a couple of editiorial critics:
the verb tenses need to agree.
should you say that gary was, or
gary is? i like the latter.
this is probably the best poem
that i have seen in a long, long,
time.
agree with me or not:
we should all asprire to this
paucity of words and richness
of image and meaning...fallon

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Gary is sound asleep,
slumped, in a hard wooden chair
at the dinner table.
`
It amazes me
how this weathered man can fall
asleep anywhere.
`
He awoke to a
watery Manhattan and
the sound of static.
`
There we are Mr. Fallon. I do think that using "is" is well, more appropriate. I believe the verbs tense agrees now, and now it reads better. Good eye. -Jesse

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Jesse. as much as i liked it before: with that little change, it reads so much better. Bravo...~f