Cavern

Upon this journey
I had gone through many a quagmire,
just to taste your sacred desire.
I've breached your swelling heart
like combusting phoenix,
and stormed your castle walls
by climbing you rung by rung,
like a ladder to the sun.
And then I came to the end of a cavern,
only to find,
...love is just a bet with your mind.
~Jesse~
-------
the story here is a little confusing jesse, but the way you use certain words intriques me. i like the rhyme of quagmire and desire. i wish you would've strengthened the rhyme scheme across the board on this one to enhance the musicality of the poem. -chandler
-------
I thought everything was good up until the last line. It had a passion and then the last line went flat. I realize that was your intention in how you saw the person, I just think the last line could have been sharper. ms