Rose told me to judge Myself

Oh, dear rosie told me to judge myself
Because I judged her, and that’s not fair.
I’ve gone for months reading everyone’s hatred
For underlying motives hidden there.
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Well, yes, I’ll describe to all my faults
I don’t live a life even possibly near swell.
I’ve been with older men and drank underage
And tried to exit this world I viewed as Hell.
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I overdosed on sleeping pills of all kinds
Because I believed that I was nothing but shit.
I starved myself to save a few pennies
And in a relationship, I was constantly hit.
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When 19, I was in a terrible crash
That took use of an arm forever away.
I look down on myself now, ‘cause I’m unemployed
And my words are all that I have left to play.
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I’ve pushed love away so that no hearts would break
Because I didn’t want to hurt someone I loved.
Conflicting thoughts on my life’s whole worth
I wanted to embrace after I had shoved.
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In eight wrecks and six sinus operations
I felt that it was just my destiny to die young.
So dear rose, ask me some other time
I DO judge myself all the time, hun.
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Everyday is a struggle to convince myself to live. There you go rose. I am now going to leave this site. I cannot stand someone. Too hard to ignore, so I'll walk away. Bye poets. Sorry.
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p.s. rose, I've commented on only one of your poems, about the high school drop-outs (Forbidden Tape) and I did apologize in the commentary if I had misunderstood anyone's intentions. How bad of an attacker was I?
©January 28, 2002 Lori S. Maynard

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Dear Lori, sorry to see you go. considering how irritating rose is, however, i don't blame you. good luck in life. -cam
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lori...i do believe the saddest part of your life's tale at this time would be in allowing rose to take enjoyment out of your life. you give her/him a power undeserving.
i have lived my life amid many experiences that parallel yours....it took years to learn the control had always been mine. it's up to me how others leave their mark on me.
you took the high road in the rose situation....you need not walk with her stain upon you. brush it off....it's unworthy of you. i admit to succumbing to inane moments,(moments that i digressed in mental growth) just to unleash my aggravations on rose. i am ashamed of those rare moments....but it was me, not rose, who controlled this part of me. i will look at the moment, learn, and go on. however, i will not leave. i made a mistake, i did not inentionally harm someone out of malice. and, lori....we all know, neither did you. i hope others will post and request that your re-think your decision to leave. i love your poetry....you are one of the poets i come here for.
i'm sorry i rambled so long. ~smiles~ if you only knew how long i coud have gone on.
~haize
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haizy, you are an amazing woman. and Lori, please stay!!!! you are one of the few who keep this page worth coming to. to all the good people: hang in there, it will get better. an old reader