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Poem Number 7503
Have you ever loved someone
and knew they didnt love you?
Have you ever thought of crying?
you wonder what to do.
Have you ever looked inside their eyes
to say a little prayer?
Have you ever looked inside their heart
and see that you arent there?
Have you ever watched them dancing
when the lights are turned down low?
You wish to be in their arms
the music soft and slow
Have you ever known it isnt you
that theyve been dreaming of?
Yet wish with all your being
it was only you they loved?
Never fall in love my friend
all youll feel is pain.
A bruised and battered heart
is all that you can gain
So this i say, "dont fall in love,
youll hurt when you are through"
You see, my friend, i ought to know
i fell in love with you
i am willing to be the first to admit i am not a poet.. these are just some of my thoughts that i wished to share
D. You might want to go back and change all the "their"'s to him or her, he or she, etc. Also, line 5 might be stronger if you dropped "you" and added "and wondered..." Line 7, try changing "to say" to "and said."
Try it, if you don't like it you can always chane it back. You are on the right track, it can be a very good poem. JFC
D, I understand why you chose "they", it makes sense when speaking it to the opposite sex, and helps with the final effect of the last line. I think you are a poet and should continue to write!..pam
JFC... you are right...those changes make a big difference..
sorry pam...i meant to add a thank you to you as well and neglected..
i chose the theys and thems so that it could go either way.
i will continue to try writing more.. thanks.. ~D.
Darshiva ? Not a poet ? I like to think everyone is a poet,as long as they share their experience and observations.You are starting out on the right foot in this dance of language.I happen to agree totally with Pam.You have good instincts with writing.I hope that you will,please, keep it up.Do not let anyone dissuade you from writing.()j.c.ramsey
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