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Poem Number 16559
His words dancing a cryptic silhouette
Upon lips they’ve barely met
~~~Cradling themselves in love’s clean white swathe
Duly deemed the rarest crystals
Plucked like ruby roses of velvet petals
~~~Picturesque dreams I immerse upon plain white cloth
Slumber’s morn trips cheerless eyes
One last clutch to ebony’s night lullabies
~~~ Come, my light of day, remember, if not just who I am
Take me down austere, filth-strewn paths
Shadowing misty hues, true to me alas
~~~Color my twists; I beg lay bare my sham
Awake, awake am I, in murky pools of ugly words
Were they not once tuned of love’s one drawn chord?
~~~But here, along the trodden track, illumined from life’s oily lantern
Lies the saber sharp, acrid with bitter edge
Vowing vengeance, it’s only worldly privilege
~~~Gauging deep the words… unreluctant, I give the sword it’s vengeful turn
Wow...this is so much. Wonderful word usage and description. Well done.
oh WOW! This is truly wonderful Haizey. The words are still resounding in my head, as though I've been watching a play in the theatre. Wonderful!
thank you kaleb & audee...i actually took grace's advice and editted. i told her, 'editting is scary...if the poem stinks i no longer have an excuse'. ~smiles~
Haisey! how visually delicious and affecting. The language has density, words pooling and thickening, your images rising and falling. Love this!...fallon
ugh...i usually let my flaws be (there are too many) but this one takes away from my intent. the last line should read :
~~~Gauging deep the words… unreluctant, I *allow the sword it’s vengeful turn
oddly enough, i didn't like the poem until that last edit. i like allow instead of give. well edited. *
This has an Elizabethian feel... which I enjoyed... did you mean "gauging" or "gouging" in the last stanza? JFC
most definitely gouging JFC...funny i never even saw that :)
p.s. thanks gracely
I'm going to sound unexciting and unoriginal but I agree with all of the above. Loved the editing. Loved the poem and I loved the "breath in my throat" feeling I got when I read it.
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