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Poem Number 7547
A sand hill faces the sea
scoured daily by the briny wind
which leaves no mark of life, no debris.
I am like that lonely hill
swept bare of passion, love, or hope
waiting, waiting, alone and still.
Great imagery, JFC. - Hal
deleted" am like that lonley hill"..improves the poem for me otherwise reads like a greeting card
I think you are right! Thanks JFC
I am pleased you approve..bones of a fine poem..my write would look like this
a sand hill faced by the sea
scours daily in the briny wind.
I sweeep bare my passions,
erase all marks of life,
then wait,alone and still and then I would like more remembering love is not broken by time:)
I prfer JFC's version. ~ Leo
different strokes for different folks:)
Good poem. Just needs some restructuring and editing. Get rid of unnecessary words, delete the first person line and it will read much smoother.
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