Poem Number 23085

where is the dust

cradle me in your arms, o love of mine
you need not wipe my tears as i cry
let me peacefully exist by your bosom
clutch me safe as the world spins around

i am afraid, o love of mine
the world is dissolving and i'm unprepared
fingers keep sifting through unsorted remains
hold me close as the threads go on crumbling

hold my hand tightly, o love of mine
the vast expanse grows deeper, the chasm yawns wider
i could not bear to lose you, to remain all alone
hold me close as it's cold outside

þ
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sentimental drek
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This reminds me of the Browning's love poems--but, it has it's own feel, it's own emotion--you make good use of language, the flow and meter is good and your picture of loving arms shutting the world and it's dark and cold out is very good. I like it. Keep writing!
JFC

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I like the poem too, except the ending. The cliché ending does not do the poem justice. These are my favorite lines " the world is dissolving and i'm unprepared, fingers keep sifting through unsorted remains"
baz

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yeah, it could do some work, now that you mention it.
þ
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ALL us poets need fresh eyes to see our work, lest we become too comfortable in our own words and forget to stretch and grow. And don't ALL really good poets, rewrite to find more original expression? Strive to avoid wading in the ponds of cliché, like the plague. And no doubt about it, YOU are a very good poet!
baz